pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
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I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
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Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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