I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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