70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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