the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
pray to the hookup gods
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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