if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
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I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
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I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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