The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
