Don't make out with my wife yet
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
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My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
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I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize