Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
