you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.