If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize