She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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