just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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