and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
