This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
