We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
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