Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
