just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
