My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
last night I used snow as a chaser
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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