The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
the raccoons are back...
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