he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
