You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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