I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
