Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
