Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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