I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
