is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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