I look better un-naked...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
