So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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