Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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