dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
