Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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