Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
