Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize