some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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