Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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