What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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