Whoa Z and x make the same sound
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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