So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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