is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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