hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
