I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
