oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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