My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
