Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
