If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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