can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
