i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
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You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
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You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.