Just fell off a train. Bad.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!