I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
