I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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