I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
