I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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