I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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