She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
