i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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