ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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