So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
