Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
