Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
