is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
