We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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