My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
